From President Mullen
Thoughts shared by President Mullen to parents during the Fall 2009 orientation
September 3, 2009
To the Parents of 2009 Highlanders,
I know that many of you were not able to be at last week’s Orientation at Houghton. I met a few of you when you brought your student for the Highlander trip, but not all of you. I want to give you a glimpse of what I said to the parents of this year’s new students during Orientation.
First of all, we are privileged beyond words to partner with you in this next stage of your son or daughter’s life. We believe that each person who comes to us is one of God’s personal “projects” (Ephesians 2:8-10) and that God will bring His work to completion. (Philippians 1:6). But, during this season, we are given the opportunity to be part of the process.
I organized my brief comments along the lines of 7 words that, together, spell RELEASE. I tried to be very practical—about this time. (And while I cannot capture in writing the exact tone of my spoken comments, I will try to give you a flavor of the main points that I made. If you have any questions, I would welcome them.)
R—Recognize the change that is happening in this moment. It is not only a big moment for your son or daughter. It is a very significant moment for you as parents. There is a lot at stake for both your son or daughter and you. You are seeing if they can “fly” when you are not there to help them. . . So, first point is to name the change.
E—Embrace the change, rather than fear it. While there may be a time of awkwardness and adjustment, this season opens up the possibility of an adult relationship between you and your son or daughter.
L—Let Go. Trust the Process. This is much more difficult for this generation of parents than for parents thirty years ago—or for our parents when we went to college. As parents, this generation has been more deeply involved in their children’s development than most other generations in history. But, if the children are ever to become adult, there comes a time when it is critical to help them address a situation, rather than rush in to fix it.
E—Expect some frustrations along the way. College is the real world, despite what some people say. There are choices and consequences. There are people with whom your son or daughter may not immediately get along. There may be times when they want more flexibility than a situation allows for. Or they may not want to accept the consequences of choices they have made. Don’t be alarmed when this happens. It will—and may have already happened.
A—Affirm their adulthood when frustration arises. When they call about a situation—or a disappointment, listen carefully. But don’t assume that this is the whole story. Affirm their agency in the situation and help them strategize how to address the situation. Help them to put a situation in perspective. (We talked about a very common time when situations can easily seem catastrophic—the first round of exams. Many students have not developed good time management skills or good study skills. They may be confronting their first “B” and decide that college is not for them, etc.)
S—Safety Net—Know that there is a safety net here if you need to call. That is, if you are really concerned that something is wrong, do call. You can call the Office of Student Life 585-567-2200 if you are concerned who will be able to think with you about next steps. Or if they are not available, do call my office 585-567-9310.
E—Encourage your son or daughter by your support and prayers. And encourage them to be pro-active in seeking our faculty or other adults who can help them if they are encountering difficulty in any area of their lives. And encourage them not to wait until late in the semester to seek the help they need.
Please know how delighted we are to have your son or daughter here at Houghton. We look forward to partnering with you in the days ahead.
Sincerely,
Shirley A. Mullen
President
